I get to work with around 100 different companies a year. I get to talk to the senior people in those organisations and understand their challenges and current focuses. I have been doing this for around 10 years and yet I have never seen anything like the last 18 months. Almost every company I have gone into within this time has said the same thing.
“Someone has grabbed our snow dome and shook the hell out of it and we are not sure which way is up.”
They all seem to be facing unprecedented change on all levels – consumer changes, regulatory changes, internal changes … the list goes on and on. All this change puts pressure on us to do more and work harder. Throw into this mix intrusive technology, and the boundaries between work and home seem so blurred that it feels like we are on 24/7.
How do we get balance in a world where there is no separation between work and home?
Most work/life balance strategies revolve around time. How much time do we spend in each part of our life? Even though this strategy has been around forever, we seem to have less and less balance. We needed a new approach. The first step we took was to ask people, “Why do you want balance?” The two most common responses to this question are “to be happier” and “to have better relationships”. Interestingly, these two things are not about time, rather about behaviour. The second thing we did was interview families and asked them why they want their father/mother/partner to have balance. Their answers were startling.
“We understand the long hours, the emails at night and the phone calls at all hours. What we don’t understand is a loved one coming through that door and acting like a jerk, taking their day out on us, ignoring us and treating us like we are an annoyance.”
They didn’t mention time. What they wanted was to have that person come through the door in a good mood and be interested in them. It was clear that balance was more about how we behave in the home rather than organising our time. Could what we do in the transitional space (which we called the Third Space) have an impact on behaviour in the home? To test our theory I partnered with Deakin University on a research project where we took 250 small business owners and measured their mood and behaviour in the home. The initial survey did not paint a pretty picture. Only 29 percent said that they came home in a good mood, with a positive mindset and exhibited constructive behaviour.
We then asked them to perform three simple behaviours in the Third Space between work and home.
- Reflect. This is where they reflected on and analysed the day. However, they were encouraged to only focus on what they had achieved and what had gone well for them. This process helped to increase optimism and self esteem.
- Rest. They then took time to relax and unwind. Being calm and present allowed their physiology to recover from the stressful day. In addition, the relaxation altered their brain chemistry to facilitate calmer and more constructive behaviours.
- Reset. This is where they became clear about their intention for the home space and articulated the specific behaviours they wanted to exhibit. In other words, how they wanted to ‘show up’ when they walked through the door. This last one was the most important as we found that most people came home with their mindset focused on money and tasks. However interactions in the home do not give them money or tick things off their to-do list. Because of this, they see the interaction in the home as an annoyance and a waste of time.
After a month of the participants applying these principles, we saw a 41% improvement in behaviour in the home. When interviewed, they conveyed that the improved interactions they had with friends and family led to a greater feeling of overall balance. In our day we move between different spaces. The first space is the role/environment we are in now. The second space is the role/environment we are transitioning into. Whether we are going from a bad meeting to the next one or going from a bad sales situation to the next sale, we can use the third space to ensure that we get over what we have just been through and show up with a mindset that will suit what is coming next. Go forth and Reflect, Rest and Reset. Dr Adam Fraser is the author of ‘The Third Space’. Visit www.thethirdspace.com.au for a full list of stockists and further information.
