You’ve probably seen the Youtube video… schoolboy Ritchard Gale prances around Casey Heynes, punching his face while other kids cheer. After eight years of almost daily bullying (by many children), Casey snaps and body slams his tormentor on the concrete. The video was an international sensation — overnight, Casey became a “hero” and Ritchard a “rat.” There were clogged Internet forums, TV interviews and Facebook fan pages. Even Whoopi Goldberg discussed the confrontation on The View. The incident reminds us just how emotive and damaging conflict of any kind is. And, unfortunately, it doesn’t stop with bullies in the playground. Consider these statistics about workplace conflict:
- 42% of a manager’s time is spent dealing with conflict
- 65% of employee performance problems come from strained relationships
- The average worker has 2.8 hours of conflict a week
- In the US, conflict wastes about $359 billion in paid hours a year
Before you tear up your business cards and cancel your ABN membership, that’s all the bad news for today… because conflict doesn’t have to be negative. That’s right. Handled sensitively, conflict can be resolved without treading on toes and relationships can come out the other side stronger and more trusting. Here’s how… When someone is really angry, let them rage Don’t respond, just listen… and like a fire without fuel, they’ll soon fizzle. At this point, acknowledge their anger, go where you can talk one-on-one and ask questions to get to the heart of the issue. For example, “I can tell you’re really upset and I want to solve the problem. Why don’t we get a coffee and discuss this further?” Out of the frying pan, but never into the fire Stay cool and look for a solution. As hurt or ropeable as you are, there’s no advantage to pulling out the boxing gloves. Instead:
- Be polite and professional (no matter how much it tests your will-power!)
- Refuse to respond to hysterics and underhand tactics
- Focus on facts, not opinions and insult
- Look for a solution instead of blame
- Remember that a smile goes a long way
If you can’t resolve a conflict, ask a third person to mediate, someone who is objective and trusted by all parties. Sometimes you need to start a conflict Issues are far easier to resolve as soon as they start to brew — just make sure you tackle them the right way:
- Choose a private, neutral location; don’t embarrass or humiliate people in public
- Get some rest; make sure you’re not angry, stressed or tired
- Gather the full story, not hearsay
- Go straight to the horse’s mouth; resist the urge to gossip or whinge to others
Even better, reduce the possibility of conflict in the first place by building your relationships on good communication, being open and honest, and welcoming feedback. Learn to handle criticism Criticism is a double-edged sword that is at once cutting and useful. For this reason, keep an open mind:
- Does the critic have a hidden agenda? Are they letting off steam or going on a power trip?
- If you heard it on the grape vine, ask the critic to clarify their comments
- Get a second opinion from someone who will tell the truth, not what you want to hear
- If it’s true, seek solutions and, if you’re wrong, admit it!
And finally, choose not to take criticism personally and never hold a grudge. Yes, it probably sounds like I’m asking you to be a goody two-shoes, but there are benefits to being virtuous. First, we’d all be quivering blobs of jelly if we believed every bad thing said about us… and that’s no way to run a small business! Second, it’s not your problem if someone dislikes you. After all, you’re in business to enjoy life and make money, not to be loved by everyone you meet. And third, holding grudges hurts no-one but you. At the end of the day, you’re simply letting your adversary control you … while you suffer mental anguish, they’re probably happily getting on with their lives.
