Hmm! An interesting question that has many possible answers. My friend, Sally, seemed to be at a loss as to where she was at in her life. She didn’t seem happy, nor did she know exactly what happiness was. She just wanted things to be different from where she was at. Now my dilemma was to help her understand her position, her perception of the world and why this ‘particular view’ of the world was keeping her at this stuck state in her life. I asked Sally: “What do you think ‘happiness’ is? Would you be able to know when you had arrived? Is it a permanent state? Can you please give me an example of someone else who you think is ‘happy’ and let me know what and how you want to be?” Sally thought about this for a while and got back to me.
Sally said: “I think happiness is, or seems to be a place where people operate from.
It seems to have elements of being content with what you have. It seems to have elements of accepting oneself. It seems to have elements of attitude and love. It seems to have elements of a ‘keep on going attitude’, when chips are down, people just get up and go, as though the bad stuff doesn’t matter, as though they are impervious to external issues, such as the economy, being in personal debt, losing a loved one, losing a job, and the like.” She continued: “I don’t think it has to do with having possessions, because I have seen some people who are poor as church mice, who have a loving family and great support and have lots of nurturing friendships, who seem to be happy, almost as though they are blissfully aware that perhaps they ‘should not’ be happy, but they are going to be happy, despite their circumstances.” Sally continued: “When I see these people, I say to myself: Don’t you know you ought not to be happy because life has thrown you a BIG curve. You have no money, you can’t pay the rent. You have no material possessions and you can’t go to Cancun for holidays in the sun like Jennifer Anniston!”
I then asked Sally: “What do you think ‘happiness” looks like to you, in your world, from your point of view?”
Sally took some moments to ponder the issue. She knew that ‘happiness’, for her, was a combination of material success and attitude, and coming from a place of self-acceptance. However, she did not know how to get there. To me, the starting place in any of these types of issues is to be able to get clear on what it is that you are ‘unhappy’ about. Generally, most people do not, or cannot define this starting place. They see other people enjoying material and spiritual success. They know they do not have it as yet. But they know that they want some of it! A good starting place might be: to do the + and – exercise by listing on a page divided and enter on each side, the things you might want and things that you know that you definitely do not want. This will form the basis of your starting place. The next thing to do is to try to work out how you got to where you are currently, as where you are now is the result of your thoughts. This can be the hard part. However, with the right counsellor and coach you can get to the bottom of these issues and set yourself onto the path of ‘your happiness’, as it may well be different from mine.
