By Lois Frankel, Ph.D., author of Nice Girls Just Don’t Get It, a book that examines the differences between nice girls and successful women in business. Based on an interview with Suzi Dafnis for the herBusiness podcast. Women need to understand that they can’t communicate in the same way that men communicate. That’s not possible because we live in a society where we don’t like men who act like women and we don’t like women who act like men. As a result, you can’t communicate like a man. For example, when women need to be direct and straightforward, they are often subtle and circuitous in their communication. That’s what’s expected. We expect women to care about what other people think. So, if I give you my opinion in a direct and straightforward way, people might think, “You know, she’s a little strange. She’s a little too aggressive for me.” But if I give my opinion in a direct and straightforward way and then say, “You know, you can hear that I feel strongly about that, yet at the same time I’d like to know what you think as well.” This is what I call an inclusive tag line. Now, all of a sudden my message becomes one that’s a little bit more palatable to most people. Men don’t have this challenge of having to be inclusive – women do. I’m not saying it’s right because some women are probably listening and saying, “You know all of that is a bunch of bologna, we shouldn’t have to do that.” As I often say, “I don’t make the rules, I just report them.” Now, you may encounter some resistance or pushing back when you stop playing the part of the nice girl. After all, who doesn’t like a nice girl who doesn’t make waves, takes care of everyone and never asks for anything? When you start factoring in your needs, you can expect that some people are going to say, “I like you better the other way.” You need to be prepared to say something like, “You know what? It’s not that I don’t want to consider your opinion and it’s not that I want to be nasty. I just want to factor my needs into the equation as well. Making you happy does make me happy, yet I need to make myself happy as well.” Being able to say something like that and push back in that nice kind of way is very important for women who want to make sure their needs are met. Click the image to listen to the podcast interview with Lois Frankel by Suzi Dafnis on the HerBusiness website.
Books by Lois Frankel
 | Nice Girls Just Don’t Get it 99 Ways to Get the Things you Want, the Success you’ve Earned and the Respect you Deserve By Lois P. Frankel and Carol M. Frohlinger Paperback |
 | Nice Girls Just Don’t Get it 99 Ways to Get the Things you Want, the Success you’ve Earned and the Respect you Deserve By Lois P. Frankel and Carol M. Frohlinger Hardcover |
 | Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers By Lois P. Frankel |
 | See Jane Lead 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work By Lois P. Frankel |
 | Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money By Lois P. Frankel |
