I was contacted recently by an organisation that is doing some work for a corporate client. This client has a female employee who is searching for the “right” balance between motherhood, work and family. She is feeling guilty for being at work and also feeling guilty when she’s not getting things done at work because she’s with her child. She is essentially searching for a “formula,” a “how to manual.” 
It is the classic dilemma that has been an albatross on many-a-necks of working mums. There seems to be a myth out there about “balance.” The myth that as women, we need to learn how to “balance” the “right” amount of time and energy into our careers and businesses, our families and our children. For those women who choose to work (or as in most cases have to work), there is always the little nagging feeling that surfaces every now and again about if she’s doing the “right” thing by working and not being available to her children 24/7.
First of all, to quote my dear friend Suzi Dafnis, “Balance is B*llsh*t.” Suzi was asked how she “balances” her work and family/personal time in an interview many years ago. Of course, much to the dismay of Suzi, the journalist pulled this tasty sound bite out of their entire conversation and made this the headline. But I love it. (It’s funny that this question rarely comes up in interviews of successful businessmen, but almost ALWAYS with women!)
Balance is whatever feels right to YOU. No one can tell you what that “formula” is. No consultant or employer is going to provide the magic combination. You must experiment and CHOOSE what works for you, your family and your business or employer. CHOICE is the key word here.
Choosing what you do and how you do it brings empowerment. Even if conditions aren’t optimum in any area of your life, choosing to accept where you are at gives you freedom. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have goals and a vision for your ideal scenario – of course, you should. But by choosing what you are doing at the moment and living in that moment, you will be freer.
When we look to the green field over the fence (pining for our children when working or thinking about work when with your kids), we set ourselves up for misery. Be present. Spend every moment that you are with your kids REALLY being with them – turn off the phone, twitter stream, TV. Engage.
Feeling guilty takes up energy – vital energy that you need! Instead of feeling guilty at work, get into it. Thrive. Be the best you can be. As a result, you’ll be better at home too. One last word that I believe contributes greatly to happiness and a sense of sanity in today’s increasingly busy world – surrender. Things aren’t perfect. Let it go… breathe… laugh… enjoy. We are only here for a short time, so let’s try to make it a good time. And write your own manual.
