The more I tried not to cry, the faster the tears welled. I was in a business meeting with a client who hurled a torrent of personal insults in my face. She attacked everything but my make-up and clothes. And it wasn’t the first time … it had been going on for months. This isn’t an easy blog post to write because it happened this year. I am among the 1 in 5 Australians who are bullied at work (the statistic is as high as 50% to 100% in some industries). I am sharing my personal experience with you for two reasons: first, to be upfront that bullying is a very real issue for small business owners and, second, to help make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to you. Here are the five key points I learned…
1. Stick to your guns
Small business is competitive. We’re continually told “the customer is always right”, so we try please even the most difficult customers because if we don’t, someone else will. And it’s even tougher right now, thanks to a feeling of instability in our federal politics feeding down into the economy. I realise now my first mistake was to be too eager to get the job. Against my usual policy, I allowed the client to bargain down my quote and convince me to work to a shorter deadline. By allowing her to negotiate those initial terms, I started our relationship on the back foot and, unfortunately, devalued the quality of my skills, work and time in the process. So from now on, I’m sticking to my guns — if another client cries poor or has an “urgent” job, I will reply, “I’m sorry, my business is not the one for your job.” I’m giving myself permission to not win every job because I have plenty of other clients who are more than happy with my prices and time frames.
2. Improve your communication
We all know good communication reduces and resolves conflicts, especially when it’s in writing. I’ve now streamlined my communication processes in three ways:
- I take minutes of client meetings to help prevent a “he said, she said” scenario.
- At the beginning of a job, I give clients a written information sheet that fully outlines the job and what I expect them to contribute. I divide the job into logical, bite-sized and measurable stages and make it clear a progress payment is due on the completion of each stage. I also ask the client to communicate their expectations of me.
- At the end of each stage, I issue a written update of what we’ve achieved, outline what the next stage involves and remind them that a progress payment is due. I will not start the next stage until that progress payment is made.
3. Don’t accept bad behaviour
The first time my client was grumpy, I assumed she was having a bad day. I had no inkling her mood was directed specifically at me… after all, she didn’t say anything. I later realised her sullen and irritable behaviour was passive aggressive, a way of “punishing” me instead of communicating her concerns like a mature adult. The second time was obvious — she screamed at me over the telephone. In an attempt to be professional and accommodating, I tried to reason with her and, in doing so, set a precedent that allowed her outrageous behaviour to continue. Let me explain: many years ago, as a bright eyed and bushy tailed young employee, my second job was on telephone customer service with the Australian Taxation Office. Oh, you can imagine what that was like … a baptism of fire! It would have been easy to retaliate against rude customers, but that wasn’t our job. We were there to resolve problems, which we did on one condition … that callers treat us with respect and dignity. We were empowered to warn, “If you continue to speak to me in that manner, I’ll hang up.” And that’s what I should have done with my more recent client. I should have refused to even attempt to resolve her problem until she chose to treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve. And even if her behaviour had only been the result of a bad day, she had no right to burden me with her residual frustration.
4. Deal with stress
Unfortunately, being bullied has a snowball effect on your work. As your stress levels increase and your self-esteem decreases, you’re more likely to make mistakes, which gives the bully even more fodder, not to mention satisfaction. So give yourself a break… literally step back, take some time for yourself and breathe. This is where those people you really trust come in handy … ask them to double check your work for errors or anything “not quite right”.
5. Openly discuss bullying
We’ve perceived bullying as something to be ashamed of and hidden for too long when the only way to truly tackle this obnoxious and utterly childish behaviour is to be open and honest about it. If you even suspect you’re being bullied, discuss the situation with your business partners, mentors, colleagues, staff, friends, family or a counsellor. When we’re all aware of how real bullying is, we can work together to improve our business processes to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
And finally… I know all too well how much grief and personal angst a bully can cause. However, I’m proud to say I’ve chosen to use my situation as a learning process to prevent future incidents for myself and others. If I can leave you with only one message, it’s this: don’t allow one unhappy client to dictate how you feel about your business and how you’re performing as a business owner. The negatives make up such a tiny proportion of your professional life, so do yourself a favour and choose to focus on the many happy clients who value you.
