When I started my business I would show up bright and bold on the outside, but inside and behind closed doors I was often a wreck. Weighed down by uncertainty and never quite knowing what to do next.
It’s taken some time but I eventually pulled up my big girl panties and admitted that I was the one holding me back. It was my fearful and stubborn self that tried to go it alone and live in a little (or maybe a lot) of denial that was causing me to lose my confidence in the business I was creating.
How I found out I was sabotaging my success
Now, although I said I wanted to be successful, it was my self-sabotaging ways that were causing me and my business to stagnate. I was saying one thing yet doing another.
I would take a big jump forward and then find a way to retreat back.
Someone very close to me called me out on it one day and I got really defensive. I thought they just didn’t understand how hard I was trying. How could they know what it’s like?
But they did know. They knew exactly what that was like because I have no doubt they’d been there too.
Although I was defensive at first, her words (said with kindness, but hitting waaaay to close to the mark) started to ring in my ears a little. As much as I wanted to I just couldn’t shake them.
So I took a step back.
I surveyed the landscape of the environment I’d created and took another look at what she’d said.
I realised she was spot on.
The 3 things sabotaging my success
1. I did not want to admit to myself, or those around me, that I wasn’t clear on my path.
I’d come from a career that was defined, I knew what my role was and what I was there to do. Business was different. It was a vast plain of opportunity and it freaked me out! I was in hiding from myself about what I really wanted to create and in hiding from everyone else not wanting to admit that I didn’t know what to do next. I’d forgotten it was OK to admit I was a work in progress.
2. I tried to do what everyone else was doing.
When you start down the very exciting path of creating your own business it’s really easy to get swept away in what everyone else is doing. I watched in awe as those around me (in the online world) showcased their wares with confidence and ease. I tried to emulate the products and services they offered. I started comparing where I was to those they were leaps and bounds ahead of me. I started to subscribe to everything I could to try and find the magic answers. I became completely overwhelmed by everyone else I forgot to cherish what my own ideas were, and where my strengths lay.
3. I tried to think my way out of every unknown situation.
This one’s a doozy! Overthinking our ideas is one of the biggest ways to self-sabotage our success. I had a ton of ideas in my business, but I eventually talked myself out of most of them before I’d even tried. When we spend too much time thinking, our brain can manage to talk us out of any idea we come up with. Think about how many awesome ideas you’ve had over the years. Now tell me honestly, how many have you followed through on?
Your brain can’t give you a definitive answer, only action can.
Now, I share these tough lessons with you because I have a feeling you can relate to one or maybe all of them. I’m certain I’m not the only one that has gone through this.
How to overcome the self-sabotage
The first step is owning up to what’s really going on, and admit to yourself that the problem is you.
Now, that may seem a little harsh but there’s no more time for excuses. I want you to succeed. I want you to find the courage and belief within yourself to go and do what you’re really here to do.
I don’t want you lingering in self-doubt and overwhelm any more.
“OK, so how do I do that,” I hear you ask!
1. Come out of hiding.
Admit that you’re a work in progress and open up to people about your ideas. Real conversations with real people will give you plenty of the answers you need and a big confidence hug to go with it.
2. Walk your own path.
Stop the overwhelm and comparison by unsubscribing to emails, cutting back on social media and staying true to ‘your’ ideas.
3. Take action on your ideas.
When an idea is fighting for your attention you need to do something with it. It’s the only way you’ll know if it’s the right idea for you.
Now that I’ve shared the steps I’ve used to stop self-sabotaging my success and re-discover my business confidence, I’d love for you to use them to.
They’re simple yet powerful and they’re promises I now keep to myself to keep the overwhelm and comparison at bay.