We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
— Carlos Castaneda
How often do you find yourself thinking I can’t, I shouldn’t, It’s too risky, I’m not smart enough or I shouldn’t speak up in this meeting because……
If these thoughts crowd your mind, youre not alone.
Self-sabotage is the culprit that breathes life into limiting beliefs that hold us back from realising our potential.
It’s the voice that shows up uninvited and often suffocates your ideas before theyve had time to grow.
Do you recognise this voice? Take a moment to look back over your life and pick out the times that youve let an opportunity slip by, allowed a potential relationship to remain undiscovered or stopped a dream ever becoming reality.
It’s important to accept that the saboteur’s voice actually belongs to you. You are the narrator of the stories that tell you, you can’t, you should or shouldn’t.
Take action today to side step your own self-sabotage.
It doesn’t have to be big – choose something small, something that youd like to do and haven’t because you think you shouldn’t.
Maybe you want to call someone, but youve made up all sorts of reasons why you can’t. Perhaps it’s a course you want to take, but youve invented a list of reasons why you won’t be able to.
As you start to entertain these ideas, notice what comes up for you. What’s the conversation that starts to happen? At what point do you shut down and surrender to the self-sabotage?
What are your self-sabotaging behaviours?
They may include some of the following:
- procrastination
- perfectionism
- over committing
- not finishing what youve started
- distraction
- loss of focus
- self criticism and/or criticising others
- needed help and didn’t ask
- failure to assert your own needs or desires.
Take a moment to list your sabotaging behaviours.
Cost
Ask yourself, What is the cost of allowing self-sabotage to run my life?
This may include a project never taken off your shelf of ideas, an unfulfilled dream, a promotion missed.
Take a moment to list down these costs.
Payback
Now it’s time to look at payback.
Payback is what we get from allowing self-sabotage to run our lives.
Imagine youre working late. Your saboteur’s voice has convinced you that you can’t ask for help on this project. So, youre in the office alone and your resentment”s building. Your payback may be that you get to be right about being in this alone – in short, you get to be the martyr.
Take a moment to think of similar incidents in your life. When youve thought of some examples, what was the outcome? Was it the outcome that you wanted?
The next step
OK, so now youre starting to notice when self-sabotage creeps in, what do you do next?
The most important part of bypassing your self-sabotage is by simply noticing.
By noticing, you become aware. You pay attention to what’s going on for you. As tempting as it may be, dont get into an intellectual debate with your self-sabotage. The moment you get into dialogue with your sabotaging voice, youre defeated.
Take a moment to listen to the message your saboteur delivers and know that you have a choice, a choice of accepting this or moving on.
Does this message serve you? If not, push the message away and allow yourself to see what”s possible once youre free from its grip.
Yes, it takes practice, but youll soon discover the rewards are worth it.
Commitment
Make a commitment now to start noticing your self-saboteur’s voice. Dare to dream about what’s possible for you when you eliminate this voice from your life.
If you want to know more about how to bypass and manage self sabotage contact Pollyanna at perspectives coaching on 03 9596 1557. You can view perspectives coaching’s website on www.perspectivescoaching.com.au.
Additional Resources
Taming Your Gremlin. A Guide to Enjoying Yourself: Richard D Carson.
Get Out of Your Own Way: Escape From Mind Traps: Tom and Natalie Rusk.
Self-Defeating Behaviours: Free yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings and Attitudes that hold you back: Milton Cudney.
