“Some people bring joy wherever they go, while others bring joy whenever they go”.
Do your people cringe when you approach? Do they quiver at the sound of your footsteps? Do they turn to jelly at the echo of your voice? Probably not. Constructive communication is a lot like sex and driving cars – no one wants to admit they could improve! The truth is, our messages to employees often take on a far more important and powerful meaning than we ever imagine or intend. Here are five principles to make sure you’re not the office ogre and your words don’t send people scurrying in fear of their lives or at least their emoluments.
1. Find solutions, not fault
Finding fault causes people to defend themselves and this leads to arguments. Just what we don’t want in an effective working relationship. “Sit down, Brown, and let me tell you about your faults!” When people feel they’re under a critical microscope or that their entire being is under fire, they have a tendency to fight back in defence of themselves. “First of all, you have a bad attitude and you’re disinterested.” Instead, focus on performance, not people or their personality. Accept the employee as a person and disregard personal factors or attributes that have no bearing on their ability to do the job (such as outside interests or personal qualities). Focus first on what people are doing that they shouldn’t be doing. On what they aren’t doing that they should be or on targets they are not achieving. Then, figure out ways to help the employee improve. Did you know that one of the first things novice racing car drivers are taught is what to do if they are about to crash? They are taught to look at where they want to end up, not at what they are about to hit – at the spaces between the trees, not the trees themselves. Why? Focussing on the problem keeps us stuck with it. Focussing on the solution gets us to where we want to be.
2. Be positive not negative
As the saying goes, “Fill your days with cans, not can’ts.” Talk about what you do want, not what you don’t want. Discuss what can be done, not what shouldn’t have been done or what not to do. Being positive is a great way to build people’s self esteem. Why do we want to do this? Because only people with high self esteem, who are proud of themselves and their work, can do a good job. Stands to reason, doesn’t it? What have you done to enhance your employees self esteem lately?
3. Be specific not general
Although we might know what we mean, vague comments that need a mind reader to interpret them are empty in terms of communication content. “This report isn’t good enough – you’ll have to fix it!” What specifically needs to be fixed? The layout? The content? The ‘voice’ or tone it’s written in? Is an Executive Summary needed? Perhaps more supporting data would help. Is it technically incorrect or incomplete in some way and, if so, in what way precisely?
4. Be a coach not a critic
Don’t store up feedback – be liberal with it. As Rob Meates, Melbourne-based team building consultant says: “Feedback is the wheel that moves the team machine.” The best coaches provide plenty of information, both positive and constructive. They specify clearly and precisely what people are doing well. This kind of specific, positive feedback guarantees more of the same.
5. Focus on the future
Focus on the future, not the past. Coaches also avoid post mortums, except to see what everyone can learn from them. They keep their sights firmly on the next game. Why berate the footballer for the missed kick when you could show him how to kick accurately next time?
Here are some ways to turn negative words and phrases into positive ones:
| Words to Lose | Words to Use |
| Why can’t you…? | How about …? |
| You’ll have to … | We’ll want to … |
| That will be difficult. | Here’s how we could do that… |
| We can’t do that because … | We can do that as soon as … |
| You shouldn’t have … | From now on … |
| That isn’t what I wanted… | Here’s what I expect… |
| That isn’t right… | Try it like this… |
