Ever been in a meeting and felt like you were being ignored or not taken seriously by the males in the room? Recently, I attended a meeting with a small group of VIPs and could have been invisible, until I took responsibility for my presence and shifted the energy in the room. The dynamics in play were interesting yet not uncommon. The meeting began with all eyes on our VIP guest and as he spoke, his focus was directed to the highest ranking male, followed by the other high-profile males in the room. Initially, I was ignored; and when I say ignored, I mean no eye contact was made with me by our VIP guest as he spoke. I don’t believe this was conscious on his part, perhaps a reflection of an internal belief systems in action – I’ll never know. Not perturbed (and slightly amused), I saw this as a challenge to shift the dynamics in the room. Coming from a mindset of adding value and believing we each have unique perspective and distinctive value to contribute, I began. Using subtle techniques that are effective and easy to do, the dynamics in the room shifted; and by the end of the meeting, I had become the focus for eye contact and conversation direction. An added bonus was receiving feedback afterwards from peers, acknowledging high-quality questions and my contribution to the meeting. Before we get into tactics, what’s important here is the underlying relationship we have with our self-esteem. Paradoxically, the greater our success, the more important self-esteem is to embracing recognition and experiencing fulfilment with success. Success can be any scale; for example, completing a well-written/ researched report and receiving positive feedback from peers. In this example, we may become visible for higher profile projects or greater responsibility. Without a healthy self-esteem, success can magnify feelings of self-doubt, fraud and a fear of discovery. Here are three techniques to help shift the dynamics a room:
BE BIG – This is about territory.
Physically take up as much space as you can and be visible (within the parameters of the meeting room setting). This means, hands on the table where they can be seen and elbows out to the side as much as is comfortable. Hands on your lap take up less space and subconsciously communicate there’s something to hide. Utilise an empty chair next to you, by draping your arm along the back or to rest an outward elbow. Posture is important, sit up, shoulders back, rounded shoulders communicate uncertainty. If it’s an issue, get a properly fitted bra. Really!
BE CERTAIN – This is about self-belief.
It’s an attitude of “I will prevail”. One of the giveaways of uncertainty is excessive head nodding. The “yes nod” (nodding continuously, while speaking or being spoken to), communicates a desire to be liked, a need for external approval or desire to end an uncomfortable discussion. A small amount is okay to communicate encouragement, build rapport and when you agree with what’s being discussed. The point is, be aware if it’s a crutch and ask a trusted colleague for feedback if you’re unsure.
BE PRESENT – This is about focus.
Bring laser-like focus to the person speaking, so they feel like the most important person in the room. Stillness is important, no fidgeting, no phone checking, and only write brief note points if necessary. When the speaker makes eye contact, they’ll feel your intense focus because you’re looking at them as if you are checking out the colours in the iris of their eye. They will feel the difference (compared to others) and will look back to see if you’re still “looking”. Ever noticed in meetings how people may be physically present, but their eyes and gaze communicate they’re not really present. A side note: If the person is someone you feel uncomfortable around, focus on the bridge of their nose just between their eyes. These techniques are used to shift energy and create status within a room hierarchy (think improve comedy). With status we develop assertiveness, presence and charisma.
