It’s interesting how we try to sort out conflict only to find that the facts have been skewed and the story has grown. Misunderstandings often arise when we build on that story and jump to conclusions.
Taking the time to calmly look at the actual facts and sticking to them without adding any assumptions can make a significant impact on positive communication.
It’s a two-way street; others are also capable of making assumptions and then challenging you based on the conclusion they’ve jumped to. So how do you handle it?
Sticking to the facts is key to reducing conflict and keeping emotions out of the equation. If you can calmly steer them back to what has truthfully occurred, with no added inference.
There are a number of ways you can successfully deal with the situation. A great tool is known as ‘The ladder of inference’. Developed by organisational psychologist Chris Argyris the ladder demonstrates just how our thinking can lead to false assumptions and conclusions that often lead to misunderstandings and conflict. It helps you keep the facts at the forefront of communication.
Generally speaking, the steps in our mind that takes us from the facts to decision or action are as follows:
- Reality and data – the cold hard facts
- Selected reality – we take pieces of information and often exclude others
- Interpreted Reality – we read into it and put our own slant on things
- Assumptions – we easily make assumptions based on our own behaviours, insecurities
- Conclusions – we then interpret the facts, add our assumptions and draw conclusions
- Beliefs – the conclusions now give us our own belief on the situation
- Actions – we act on what we believe to be true, even if it’s not
We then go around in circles and have difficulty resolving the conflict because we are invested in what we believe and may even ignore facts presented to us. As we ignore facts, we are missing steps in the process and making leaps to false conclusions.
A few pointers for keeping to the facts during stressful times:
- Get others to agree on the facts. Ask them; do you agree that this is fact?
- Look at your own beliefs and opinions, check that they are factually based.
- Ask if they have made an assumption and what facts they have to back it up.
- See where you can clearly identify assumptions made and then go back to facts.
- Is there a complete picture with all the facts included?
- Discuss the events with calm logic, make conflict avoidance the goal.
Keeping to the facts and ensuring you have the whole picture will ensure that a workplace disagreement doesn’t spiral out of control and start affecting the culture. As they say, a happy workplace is a productive one.
