I recall being outside at 10 pm hanging out the washing one night as my husband came out to me and asked what on earth I was doing. I literally needed toothpicks to hold up my eyelids. Yet I was still going, getting stuff done. I was ticking off the never-ending to-do list.

I ran my life like this as an entrepreneur for years. Yes, I created success financially, but at the sacrifice of myself and the important relationships around me.

I did not understand how I would get my to-do list done, make enough money, and be a good mum and wife, and somewhere in there, I was supposed to look after myself. So I looked at it then as: “I will look after myself when I am successful”.

I had lost sight of the goal and the person completing it. And it led to burnout (more than once). At first, I thought this just meant something was wrong with me, and then my second option was to work harder and at twice the pace. Unfortunately, both of these methods also failed.

Eventually, I really had to look at it differently. What was I really running from or towards? After all, that was what I was constantly doing – “running”.

Can you relate?

I thought self-care meant massages, getting my nails done, and goofing off. I didn’t have time for that. And self-care for me was something else. I didn’t have a social norm for my style of self-care. However, I knew this way was becoming more of a punishment rather than a reward-based lifestyle.

So how do you flip it on its head?

You have to confront several things.

1. You are not prepared to continue in the same manner.
2. How do you actually want it to be?
3. What steps can you take now to change something (pick small steps if needed so as not to trigger off more fear). You need to break the fear cycle and decrease your fight and flight response in order even to start being able to complete self-care.
4. Play the game the way you want to play it, not based on what someone else wants. Have healthy boundaries and ethics to keep them in place. Build up your “no” muscle. Yes, this is a practice as you have likely not used it much.
5. Ask for help rather than tell people you are overwhelmed and not coping. That is not clear communication. Asking for help – outline what you need and when by, and ensure those you are asking can complete that task in the timeframe you need.
6. Understand when you make a change, that things get messy. Think of it like cleaning your house. Your house gets messier before it gets cleaner. Chaos before the calm.

You can start to use these six steps to implement a self-care business.

Healthy life and healthy business. One that feeds your health rather than destroys it.