Gretchen Rubin – Author of Better than Before
How many times have you heard this story: a new runner trained for a marathon, ran it, then took a few rest days and hasn’t picked up her sneakers since? Another did a 12-week Paleo challenge, lost 15 kilos and has now abandoned that way of eating and has stacked on more kilos than she lost.
That so many people abandon their habits just after finishing enormous challenges is no coincidence. When setting these huge goals, too many people see them as a finish line – and when you’re past a finish line, you’re done.
But, habits are the framework of our lives. Developing a habit puts our behaviours on autopilot, which removes the deliberation that comes with active decision-making.
Of course, we all want our habits to be aligned to our goals, and we all know that swapping out bad habits for good ones can make a massive difference in our lives. So why do we so often fail at changing our habits? Why is that that we can have a hard time creating habits about things that we say we love or enjoy?
I’ve run six half marathons (maybe more) but still don’t have a habit of running. I might run consistently for months and then not put my running shoes on for as many months! I haven’t yet made running a habit — it’s something I do that is connected to a goal e.g. a half-marathon.
During her recent talk at the South by South West Interactive conference, author Gretchen Rubin described habits as the invisible architecture of everyday life.
Her advice, to those of us who have had that stop-start experience is to keep yourself from finish-line burnout, is to look at big achievements as milestones along the way to your ultimate goal: establishing a new habit for good.
I really love that. Goals have finish lines. Habits do not.
So, a behaviour that you want to be a habit shouldn’t have a finish line. Whether it’s being more fit and healthy, or producing content on a consistent basic, Gretchen recommends that you look at the process rather than the end goal if you want a sustainable habit.
In fact Gretchen Rubin has 21 strategies that can make or break our habits. The most important – and the one that people most often skip – is figuring out what’s right for you.
She suggests that yon’t worry about what works for Steve Jobs or Oprah Winfrey or whoever else inspires you.
What works for you? Are you a morning person or a night person? Can you keep a bar of delicious, expensive chocolate at your desk and nibble at it every so often, or would you struggle to not finish it in a day? Do you binge blog or can you push out one post a day on a consistent basis? Most people have a gut reaction to assign value judgements to traits like these. Don’t.
Only when we accept what we’re working with – instead of denying it – can we set appropriate and effective goals for ourselves. A night person trying to make a habit of running shouldn’t aim to do so first thing in the morning, just as someone with a tendency towards moderation won’t be served by trying to completely abstain from all desserts during their diet.
Similarly someone who crams to a deadline is unlikely to break down a task to daily chunks – they will be who the are and once they embrace that can predictably produce results without going against their grain.
After you’ve set goals that work for you, Gretchen has a few suggestions for staying motivated while you form better habits. Data has shown treats to improve motivation and self-command. If we ignore our need for treats, we start feeling deprived, which could ultimately implode in the face of our goals. A healthy treat can be anything from a new song to a podcast to a favourite chore – anything that makes you feel better and hits the spot for a little reward.
On of my treats IS an episode of my favourite podcast, or dinner out with friends, or a long run, on my own, without music or a watch…
What about you? What habit would you like to create?
