When you go against the grain and put yourself out there, your ideas, your business – you’re going to get criticised. Mean-spirited people will judge you harsher than you could have imagined. And you’ll have times when you’re spread too thin and on the verge of cracking.
Choosing your own path comes with a risk — you’re signing up for more stress, more hurt, and more reward – because what you’re doing is worth the pain.
You will fall sometimes. What’s important is that you can get back up bravely, and come back just as hard or harder than before.
In her research, author Brené Brown found that in people who fell in the service of trailblazing, there were three stages that allowed them to get back up — the reckoning, rumble, and revolution.
In this clip she introduces this idea…
Let’s dig deeper…
As much as we like to think humans are purely rational, neuroscience strongly points in the opposite direction – we’re emotional beings with occasional glimmers of rationality. Our brains are hard-wired for physical survival, not for the intricacies of society and the success of our businesses. When we’re in the heat of strong emotion, the decisions we make probably not be ones we’re proud of later, or ones aligned with our goals. They’re decisions that our brains think will keep us alive.
The first stage of fall recovery, reckoning, happens when we step back from the snares of strong emotion and question our feelings. You don’t need to thoroughly analyse everything you’re thinking here – just be curious and mindful of what’s happening.
Reckoning is the hardest stage of the three. Most of us are not taught to do this. We’re taught to hide and ignore our emotions because they reveal weakness. Don’t. Use the physiological clues your body is giving you – sweaty palms, shaking, flushed cheeks. Being mindful of what you’re thinking and feeling will allow you to recover.
Next is the rumble. 70% of the resilient people Brown interviewed wrote down a SFD (shitty first draft) of the story they were telling themselves during the fall. “If I don’t execute this project perfectly, everyone will see me for the fraud I am and my business will fail.” Whatever it is, write it down.
Writing is a powerful tool. When we put words to what we’re feeling and process it through language, we gain better understanding and control over our emotions. You can use the note app on your phone – it’s quick and, more importantly, easy to delete.
Finally, the reckoning – re-writing your SFD to have the ending you want. When we control our stories, we can control how they end. Instead of being carried by the tides of a strong emotion, edit your SFD. “I’m not doing everything halfway. I was too stressed the other day. I can figure out a way to manage this better so I don’t get as overwhelmed again. I can go forward from this.” Identify problems and fix them, get back up, and continue on bravely.
Despite the risks, the adventure, the rewards, are worth it. Get into the arena.